Funeral planning: Funerals are difficult for everyone, it is always an elusive and emotional occasion. General rules of manners seem inadequate for a funeral. By following a few simple rules you can make it a little easier on yourself and others.
Funeral is a formal occasion not a party. Dress staidly, unless you are told otherwise, at some funerals these days the perished has especially asked that people not wear dark colors. But in any case this is not an occasion to wear a skirt up to your armpits, a low cut top or one that shows your navel, fishnet stockings, or ripped jeans. Men should either wear a dark lounge suit or dark trousers and a dark jacket and a white shirt, to a normal funeral, if they are attending a celebration of life a colored shirt is permissible but not shirts with slogans on. Don't forget to check any special dress requirements with the family.
Sending flowers can be acceptable in some traditions, unless the newspaper announcement states that the family has requested memorial gifts instead of flowers. Contact the funeral home director for getting informations like where to send flowers, etc.... Ask the florist to print your name and full address on the floral card so the family will not have to look up your address when sending thank you notes.
Families might request you to send the memorial gifts to a particular charity or organization instead of flowers. When sending the memorial gift, be sure to tell the organization that the gift is being made in the name of the perished. Often the organization will send a list of donors to the family so they can thank you for your support.
Most of the families might held visitation or calling hours prior to the funeral service. This is often held at the funeral home and may be the day before or just prior to the funeral service. Visitation or calling hours will gives family and friends an opportunity to say goodbye to the perished one. While visiting, be sure to sign the guest book and keep conversation with the immediate family brief, especially if there are many people there paying their respects. Simply expressing sympathy for their loss is appropriate. You will have the opportunity to go near the casket, however it is not required.
Where the funeral will be held will mostly based on the family's religious beliefs or traditions. If you are not believing such things, just quietly and respectfully follow the service. You will not be expected to join in on the religious aspects of the service, such as accepting communion at a Catholic mass. Don't arrive late to the services. Plan on arriving 10 minutes early, since the service will likely start right on time. Keep conversations before the service low and avoid talking during the service. If you have young children who begin to cry or make noise, take them out into the vestibule or foyer to avoid disturbing the other grievers.
While a bereaved family can draw strength from their relatives and close friends, don't go to the bereaved home unless an invitation has been offered. The family may choose to host a luncheon or buffet after the services or they may prefer to have some time alone.
Funerals are always difficult, but keep in mind that the function is to pay respect to the perished and offer support to the family. Simply attending the services itself is a strong sign of support. Do not let the fear over what to say or how to behave keep you from paying your respects.
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