Funeral planning: No one enjoys going to funerals, those melancholy occasions that remind us of our own mortality and uncertainty about the future. However, such gatherings may be even more perturbing for those who weren't close to the perished, such as a new acquaintance of the family or someone who was asked to attend by the mourners to provide emotional support. Suppose if you are in such a great position, you might suddenly feel responsible for the Herculean task of holding everything together lest it bury everyone in emotional rubble. Stop, and have a deep breath before you make yourself dizzy. Just understanding you're there for a friend or family member is a great comfort to them, so relax.
In general, common sense and polite prudence are the best guides for your behavior at a funeral. Nevertheless, here are some tips addressing issues of funeral apparel, speech, and other aspects of a funeral,
Funeral apparel:It is no longer required that you wear all black. However, darker and more subdued colors are recommended to depict respect for the dead. Conservative outfits are mandatory for both men and women. Do not pull attention of the crowd to yourself in anyway, as the focus of this occasion is the perished, not you. Do not wear shorts, evening dress and oversized or noisy jewelry. In some instances, the perished may have previously communicated their wishes to the family in regards to appropriate attire, such as military uniforms or fraternity jackets.
What to say:Upon entering the funeral home, don't forget to pay your respect to the perished by approaching the casket and offering a prayer or quiet reflection. After paying your respects to the perished, you may speak to the family. If they don't know who you are, just introduce yourself and offer a handshake or hug if warranted. Don't be afraid to talk about the perished if you have some amusing and touching anecdotes. If you personally cannot say anything, a simple "I'm sorry for your loss" is always appreciated. Be a good listener. The family might want to talk about their dearly departed. If this is the case, be there and avoid discoursing with people those who around you after you've sat down.
Gifts and other expressions of sympathy:Flowers can be a wonderful comfort to the family and may be sent to the funeral home or to the residence. The last thing on the family's mind is going to be cooking, so offering easy to prepare dishes is always appreciated. Moreover, there may be lots of visitors in the house who need to be fed, so anything helps. A specific offer of "help"- Simply saying, "If there is anything you need, please call me," leaves the family at a loss, as many times the grieving family hasn't really thought about what they need. Just tell what you can do for them, like walking the dog, or driving visitors to and from the airport.
Be honest, be sincere, be yourself. After all, there's a reason you were asked to attend. Why not cherish the fact that your friends consider that you are the most capable of offering them comfort and solace in their time of need?
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